A Few Choice Words for Mr. Miserable Meanie

Dear Mr. Miserable Meanie,

I am not generally a mean person. I have had a few moments of unfounded meanness in my life. I tend to only get mean in the following situations, when:

  1. I am taken by surprise and have a thoughtless, involuntary moment of awfulness. For instance, when someone takes a tumble and I can’t help but laugh.
  2. Someone has been mean to me and the only way to get them to stop is to be the bigger bully.
  3. Someone hurts someone that I love.

I am never mean for my own pleasure. I am rarely, if ever, mean for the sole purpose of hurting someone else. Even if I want to. So, it makes it harder for me to understand why others are mean.

Incidences of senseless meanness make me feel like a child. I have this overwhelming urge to sit and cry with the unfairness of it all. Today, I feel exactly like the first time someone stole something from me; another kid called me names on the bus; I saw someone abuse an animal in a movie.

I feel violated, impotent, furious, sad and often scared.

images (3)You were mean this morning, Mr. Miserable Meanie, and I’m sick about it.

I thought about it all day. I recounted your crimes to a friend and my hands started to literally shake with anger.  I wrote a nasty letter that will never be sent. I will lose sleep over you tonight.

I’m not scared, though. You’re too pathetic for that. And, when I’m not scared, pain makes me stronger. When I next see you…

I will smile and pretend that everything is okay so that we can do this all over again the next time that you are mean. (And, I am confident that you will be.)

Why is it that people like me put up with these things for the sake of decorum? Though I don’t support reactionary violence in practice, I do believe that certain people could benefit from sharp punch to the face.

I am not a coward, but I can’t punch you. As a matter of fact, I can’t do anything at all to directly express my displeasure. But, I will take advantage of the blogosphere to get something off my chest:

You are mean. I believe that this is due in part to the fact that you are a miserable person. But, I also think that you are miserable, in part, because you are mean.

So, today, I will exercise my right to be mean, too. Today, I am happy that you are a miserable person. I am happy that, with every mean action you take, you become more miserable. I do not believe in the karmic cycle but, for both of our sakes, today I hope it exists.

Fuck you, fucking Meanie.

Bite me,


PS- Thanks, that feels better.


One response to “A Few Choice Words for Mr. Miserable Meanie

  1. I try very hard to be a nice person, but I have what I call an “evil streak”. I hope that writing this will make you feel better, and I’ll happily join you in sticking pins into the Mr. Meanie voodoo doll. Er, wait . . .

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