Making Fun of Pet Parents

I tend to write about whatever is going on in my life at any given moment but have struggled with how to share info about my kids. I’ve been meaning to write about them for some time now but wasn’t sure how to do that without adopting a show and tell sort of style. Instead, true to form, this will start as more of a rant.

I have three little ones and they are a constant source of amusement, frustration, and fuzzy feelings. My kids are extraordinary and generally the best little people on the planet…just like everyone else’s kids. So, I fail to understand why people are constantly discriminating against my children and me by insinuating that they are not as amazing, important, or worthy as other people’s kids just because they are not human.

Yes, I am a pet mommy. And I wish people stop being mean to me about it.

Someday I would like to also have human children. When I procure one, I am certain that it, too, will be amazing and that I may even be more attached to it than I currently am to my dog and cat children. But, that doesn’t mean that I am any less attached to my little furry ones.

I adopted my two homeless, orphaned twins as infants three years ago and then adopted my youngest from foster care about six months ago. They were all born with amazingly big hearts and smart brains but I take credit for teaching them to be (relatively) well-behaved and educated.

I have lovingly fed, bathed, and groomed them. I have ensured that they have a great petiatrician, carefully guarded their physical health, and spent one awful night in the emergency room, worried sick about my oldest. I have cleaned up their puke, pee, and poop on a near daily basis with only a moment of two of complaints. I get up in the night with them too often to count, love them even when they wreck my things, and share a special relationship with each.

So, it really pisses me off when people say things like, “oh, but it’s just a cat, right?” No, asshole. He’s my cat.  I spend more time taking care of him than you do taking care of your 14 year old. I promise.

You don’t have to like my kids. You don’t have to like dogs and/or cats at all. But, if you like me, I’d appreciate it you would refrain from minimizing the depth of my affection for my little monsters. I do not know what it’s like to be the parent of a human child. This is my closest approximation.

Right now, two of my little ones are successfully down for a nap but the other one is upstairs crying. I have no idea why: she’s got a full belly and I’ve offered on multiple occasions to hold her. Such is the life of a pet parent. My kids are perpetually babies in that they make little sense and often do not communicate effectively. And, unfortunately, though they have lots of ambitions (“I will sneak into the basement today!”) they are unlikely to grow up to be very successful.

946204_10152246297501564_1815596017_nBuffy is generally my best behaved kid but she’s the one with a problem right now. My oldest is quite the girly girl and, despite my best efforts, very appearance-driven and a bit lazy. Though, to be fair, she is absolutely gorgeous and will surely never need to work very hard anyway. A very quiet kitten, she eventually found her voice as an adolescent and now uses it sparingly when she really needs to get your attention. Buffy is very cautious with strangers and super particular about everything from company to food so, when she gives you attention it’s a little like a nod from a princess (at times, we tease her by calling her Princess Buffweena). She mostly keeps to herself but will wait for quiet moments and then come to snuggle when she can get you alone. Buffy loves to get her hair brushed, chase rolled up aluminum foil balls (oooh shiny), and eat vanilla pudding.

942567_10152231410031564_1521349966_nBuffy’s twin brother, Xander (or Bubba, as he likes to be called), is nearly an exact opposite of his sister. Ever the ham, Xander is a complete attention whore. He will talk your ear off if you let him. His curiosity knows no bounds and he loves to follow grownups around, asking what they’re doing. Unlike his sister, who prefers to carefully watch her kingdom from her throne in the bay window castle, Xander demands a front row seat to any and all action. He likes to help his moms make dinner so we often pull a bar stool into the kitchen for him to perch on during meal prep (we promoted him from sous chef to executive chef to shut him up and keep him off the counter). Xander has a lot of favorite activities but is happiest eating, playing fetch with green beans (video below), sitting between the tub and liner at shower time to chase water drops as they run down the clear liner, and exfoliating my arm with his tongue between 4:30-5 am before doing his best teddy bear impression.

The twins love each other but are less enamored with their little sister, Callie. Though they are slowly getting used to her, the cats were not too happy to be bumped to the back burner temporarily when we brought the puppy home. At first, they kept trying to convince us that she was really an alien and that we should give her back.

58224_10152348047076564_206879268_nRaising Callie has been more challenging than Buffy and Xander but she tries very hard to be a good girl. Callie is very attached to her moms, loves dogs and humans (especially other children), and is possibly the happiest being on the planet. Unless it’s raining. Callie does not like to be wet, to the point that she will refuse to put her paws on wet grass outside. Clearly, she idolizes her sister and wants to make sure that we realize that there are two princesses in the house. Callie enjoys fetching a nasty rag that used to be a squeak toy, licking her brother’s head, and smelling everything.

Am I crazy? Maybe. I don’t do anything weird or gross with my pets (like this lady who grooms her cat with her tongue). But, I do love them. I truly love them for the unique little individuals that they are.

So, for those of you who don’t have pets and who think that treating your pet as if it’s a member of your family is weird or extreme: well, what do you know? You opted out so don’t judge.

For those of you who have pets and think that treating them as a member of your family is weird or extreme: I’m sorry for you and your animals. You’re missing out and may not have a soul.

For the rest of you who understand how important pet children are, check out the slideshow at the bottom of this page and watch these videos of my kids:

1. Introducing Buffy, Xander, and Callie

2. Xander and his bean, parts one and two

3. Kitties like pudding


3 responses to “Making Fun of Pet Parents

  1. Hi Laura – I loved this post! And the videos are super adorable. I’m in the category of people who wish they had “pet children”. I always had cats growing up. The day I have stability in my job and living situation, I’ll get a cat 🙂

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